TAKE A STAND AGAINST BULLYING

By Maajiitaaziibiikwe, Mary Sam

October is National Bullying Awareness Month. Health and Human Services Commissioner Nicole Anderson is committed to ending bullying and engaging not only her staff, but encouraging anti-bullying discussions across our communities.

“Stand up and speak out when you see or experience bullying. Bullying doesn't just occur in schools between students. It occurs everywhere and every day,” Anderson said. “It can be difficult to stand up against the behavior especially when it's a person who is respected or maybe has a position of authority. But, I assure you that when you stand up you will pave the way for others to stand up! This is how we start setting new standards and expectations on how we treat each other. It's okay to have differences. It's never okay to take it to a malicious place, it's never okay to bully.”

Bullying is behavior that is unwanted, verbal or non-verbal, that doesn’t feel right and leaves a person feeling shamed, hurt and where the person is unable to defend themselves. It may be name calling, gestures, touch, hugging, pushing, comments about your body, and can include cultural shaming. Commissioner Anderson noted cultural shaming as a bullying tactic is increasing. It is bullying against our own relatives. Our schools have seen an increase in these behaviors. This type of bullying can impact kids confidence and desire to be part of the community. All forms of bullying can make a person feel unsafe and alone. Bullying is about power and control and it’s more than just “kids being kids.”

Examples of bullying from Pacer.org:

• Name calling.

• Gossip or start rumors to try to make them look bad

• Tease about how someone looks or acts.

• Humiliate a person and thinking it is funny.

• Hits, push or shoves.

• Leave the person out of a game or group on purpose.

• Encourages others to be mean to you, in front of other kids or when adults are not around.

• Take or ruin kid's stuff.

• Enjoy making a kid cry or upset.

• Thinking it's cool when you laugh at other kids.

• Enjoy it when other kids are scared of you.

• Thinking someone deserves to get hurt or teased.

• Sending mean texts or social media posts.

• Enjoy making fun of other kids differences.

“Kids (or adults) who bully might do it because of peer pressure, gang initiations, wanting to feel in control, their own fear and insecurity, or being bullied themselves. It is still, not okay,” Anderson said. Sometimes the bullying is about encouraging smoking, drinking, using drugs, hurting others, or breaking other laws.

We need to teach our kids to trust their instincts and that being bullied is not their fault. If it feels wrong or they feel hurt or scared, then the behavior is wrong. Nobody deserves to be bullied. Standing up to bullying is hard. It can be uncomfortable and it can be scary. As adults, learning to speak up for ourselves is often hard, it is even harder for kids to respond, to feel safe and to feel like they have some control in a situation that is scary.

Below are a few tips if you are being bullied:

• Listen to your gut, take a deep breath, stay calm, try to find your voice, ask for help.

• Saying "stop" or "no" can be some of the best and hardest lessons to learn. It is ok to say “NO!”

• Set boundaries, tell the person what they are saying or doing is making you uncomfortable.

• Don’t fight back. Find a safe person to talk to. Violence is never the answer.

• Always tell someone what happened.

As a parent or guardian of a child being bullied:

• Listen and believe them.

• Don’t shame, blame or laugh it off.

• Regardless of the power the person has who is bullying, let them know they can say stop. Telling someone is not tattling, it is self-advocacy.

• Let the child know they aren’t alone.

• Be a role model yourself.

• Teach kids about cyberbullying. Talk about what is appropriate and not appropriate to post in social media, encourage them not to share passwords, to think twice about "friending" someone on social media and to know it is ok to "unfriend" someone who is making you feel uncomfortable. Cyberbullying is on the increase.

• If your child is on an IEP or 504 Plan at school, work with the case manager to create goals around self-advocacy. • Document the bullying incident, save the texts, or take screenshots of the behavior.

• Find a safe person to help your child cope with the bullying.

Bullying is not ok. Speak up. Say something. Do something.