ELDER ABUSE IS MORE THAN DISRESPECT
Speak up — Silence allows neglect and abuse to continue
By MAAJIITAAZIIBIIKWE, MARY SAM
The National Indian Council on Aging (NCOA) defines Elder abuse as a single or repeated act, or lack of appropriate action, occurring within any relationship where there is an exploitation of trust which causes harm or distress to an older person. Neglect is the most frequent form of Elder abuse.
According to NCOA, tribal social service providers estimate that nearly 80 percent of those abusing American Indian Elders are immediate family members and 10 percent are extended family members.
According to Commissioner of Health and Human Services Nicole Anderson, Elder abuse is an issue on the Mille Lacs Band Reservation. “This is a real concern in our community, and has been for a very long time,” she said. “We need to help Elders and family members access our services and help them find their courage to speak up, which we understand can be difficult. Victim Services, Tribal Court, and Tribal Police will assist.”
What does Elder abuse and neglect look like?
Elders can face abuse in many different facets of their lives. While physical abuse can often be seen such as bruises, pressure marks, broken bones, cuts, burns, bed sores, and unusual weight loss, it isn’t always physical abuse. Other forms of abuse may include:
• Financial exploitation.
• Living with the Elder — when the adult is fully able to live on their own — and the Elder doesn’t want them there.
• The adult living with the Elder is not paying any bills or providing any financial assistance.
• Stealing, selling, taking their funds, or using their bank cards.
• Stealing or trading their medications.
• Dealing illicit drugs out of the Elder's home.
• The adult living with the Elder is using drugs and/or alcohol and the Elder wants to live in a chemical-free environment.
• Leaving grandkids with the Elder to take care of without the Elder’s permission.
• Emotional. Signs can include unexplained withdrawal from activities, depression, anxiety, or fears.
• Belittling, name calling, or threats.
• Sexual violence.
• Being denied access to ceremonies or traditional healing.
Why don’t Elders speak up or seek help?
Sometimes Elders want to protect the person who is hurting them. Enabling this behavior ends up hurting everyone. Trusting the systems to help takes courage. One local Elder who requested to remain anonymous said, “Sometimes co-dependency is so strong that the person doesn’t want to make the change. For intervention to take place, the Elder needs to admit the abuse is occurring and ask for help, which often leads to learning tough lessons to get the help to have supports in place to keep the abusive family member out of their home.”
Another anonymous Elder said, “Unless the Elder speaks up and files a complaint or agrees to legal assistance, nothing can be done. My parent was not willing to say anything to anyone but me.”
Elders shared the following reasons they are afraid to speak up:
• Afraid of being hurt worse than they already are.
• Afraid of losing their grandkids.
• Afraid of being alone.
• Afraid the adult living with the Elder will go back to jail or treatment, or they will lose custody of their kids, leaving the Elder alone, which may lead to not being able to see the kids, or the Elder may have to raise the kids themselves.
• Elders don’t want their kid to be hungry or homeless.
• Embarrassed or feeling ashamed.
An anonymous mother shared this about her mom: “It’s hard. My parent did follow through and filed a complaint. When authorities got involved, my parent lied. She told them everything was okay. It wasn’t okay and we all knew it. It is so hard, to feel so powerless.”
Another daughter shared, “Watching family deal pills to my Elder mom and not being able to stop it was painful. Having to make a decision to not allow family to visit our mom was most hard on her, but also the entire family system."
According to Mille Lacs Band Victim Services, Elders often use the term disrespect over the word abuse, as it makes talking about the subject easier. Many Elders don’t believe their loved ones would abuse them, but will use the term disrespect. Paying attention to the words they use to describe what is occurring is important.
What to do, how to help
According to Victim Services Director Kristen Allord, “Silence allows abuse and neglect to continue. Finding the courage to speak out and ask for help is the first step. Victim Services will assist family members to create a safety plan for the Elder.”
Victim Services will provide an advocate. Over the course of weeks or months, the advocate will work with the Elder on their goals for safety and their well-being. Advocates will try to increase the Elder’s confidence and assertiveness so that those being victimized can start speaking out for themselves. Victim Services has support groups that have been helpful to victims. Those support groups are there to help relieve the tensions and resentments that often accompany Elder abuse.
Peter Charpentier, Elderly Disability Services Supervisor, said that his department tries to use the least restrictive means of offering support to Elders. A full guardianship and conservatorship may be needed, but sometimes starting with a Power of Attorney can be a less invasive way of offering assistance. The process for petitioning for guardianship is available on the Tribal Court website, and Charpentier is willing to assist families in this process.
Commissioner Anderson and her team encourage families or community members to step in when abuse or neglect is suspected. “We know it can be difficult, but supports are in place to stand by and with Elders and family members asking for help,” Anderson said.
Who to Call
Mille Lacs Band Victim Services: 320-532-7793
Mille Lacs Band Elderly Disability Supervisor: 320-292-2283
Tribal Police Department to request a Welfare Check on the Elder: 320-532-3430
Band Member Legal Aid: 320-532-7798
Minnesota Adult Abuse Reporting: 1-844-880-1574 (confidential reporting)
StrongHearts Native Helpline: 844-762-8483